


hold onto me

by zgok



Category: Gundam & Related Fandoms, Universal Century Gundam, Zeta Gundam
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mommy Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-10
Updated: 2017-03-10
Packaged: 2018-10-02 06:45:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10211894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zgok/pseuds/zgok
Summary: Amuro makes Char cry.





	

when char lured him inside the room, it was entirely physical; the touching, the groping. nothing was said, but not due to some form of mutual misunderstanding. what they did understand though, was that this was wrong.

no, it wasn’t wrong, but it shouldn’t have happened like this. spontaneously, carelessly.

still, that didn’t stop them from enjoying the way their mouths ran up each others necks. or the grip of amuro’s hands in chars hair and on his hip, and chars returned caresses to his face and middle.

when it all ended and amuro had gotten up to go to the bathroom, char was momentarily left to his own his own devices. it was unfortunate that amuro left, he thought. he wouldn’t be able to ask him to stay. outrightly approaching him again would end up with them pursuing the wrong kind of relationship. and while it worked with reccoa (for reccoa), he knew that this wasn’t something that he could afford to take so lightly when it involved amuro. this was destined to be different. the flush of the ensuite toilet sped up his heartbeat. a few seconds from now, and amuro was going to come back out.

was it his pride that was preventing him from spitting out a few simple words? his fear of rejection? or perhaps a fear of acceptance and the future that would follow it? though he could survive in solitude until the end of the universal century, it would almost be nice to have someone. he already considered amuro to be the closest thing that he had to a friend (he knew that kamille wouldn’t mind).

finally, the door slid open and amuro, dressed only in his iconically striped boxers, walked out. his eyes assessed the locations of his discarded clothes and looked everywhere but at char. char didn’t know whether that made it easier or harder.

"it’s late. you can stay." that wasn’t it at all. neither the words nor the tone were right.

"it’s fine, my room isn’t too far away." char almost bit the inside of his cheek. how uncool. amuro slipped on his vest and after collecting the rest of his clothes, turned to the door. char guessed that his room really was close, seeing as he wasn’t bothering to dress himself.

"please stay." it sounded like a wheeze. even more uncool. pathetic even.

"...i’m tired."

"you know that’s not what i mean," his voice was nothing but a whisper now.

amuro inhaled and turned. he dropped his clothes by the bedside and pushed char back into the bed until he sat onto it. his hands automatically travelled back into chars hair, gentler than before, pulling him into a kiss. char held amuro by the back of his neck with a single hand, lest he could pull away before it was time, and reciprocated. their kiss was chaste.

"do you ever cry?" amuro asked abruptly as he gently took char’s face into his hands while char furrowed his brows. "you should. it helps."

a moment passed where each of them simply studied the expression of the other, then: "well?"

"you want me to do it right now, on command?" he croaked out incredulously.

"why not? see, your eyes are already watering," amuro ran his thumbs under chars eyes, "want me to hit you? that might help."

"ill pass," char snorted.

"your loss. what about just... thinking about things? like, 'lalah died, my sister doesn’t want anything to do with me.’ that kind of thing?”

 

char bit his lip. “i feel honoured that you’ve thought so extensively about my life, but you’re no therapist, amuro," char bit out, harsher than he had expected to. 

 

amuro’s hands fell from his face. "i know."

a pause, then, "fine. if it’s for your own amusement. i guess i’m not done playing the clown yet."

char lay down, facing the wall, hoping that amuro would understand what he had wanted. amuro leaned down and brushed char’s hair out of the way, kissing his temple. then, as if on cue, he pulled the duvet over both of them and pushed himself into char’s back. his hand firmly stroked char’s side.

char closed his eyes, exhaling shakily. encouraged by the comfort of amuro’s warmth, char’s head became clouded with thoughts and memories, trickling back through time. lalah, artesia, his mother. his mother... his mother. an unfamiliar wetness stained his eyes. being held like this, comforted, crying, reminded him awfully of her. he swallowed down a childish whine that threatened to escape.

"you know, i’m the only one here," amuro muttered into his back. char’s chest jerked with a sudden silent sob, surprising him. in response, amuro jolted up to rub soothing circles into chars back. "c’mon, don’t forget to breathe now."

char gasped for air. he really hadn’t learned how to cry, and he knew that amuro could tell. he sat up, continuing to sharply inhale the stale air of his bedroom. he came to rest his forehead upon amuro’s shoulder.

"could you..." before he finished, amuro’s arms encircled his shoulders, pulling him closer, and he resumed stroking char’s back. char heaved into amuro’s chest, being sure to swallow down his spit to avoid salivating on him, as if just this wasn’t embarrassing enough. amuro’s hands travelled to his hair, tangling in the golden mess, before pushing the strands at his temples behind his ears. one hand then returned to his back, while the other stroked his head, and char felt his tears soak into amuro’s vest. amuro pressed his lips to the parting of char’s hair and his heaving gradually subsided.

"it feels just like her," char muttered.

"who?" amuro spoke into char’s hair.

"astraia... my mother." by the way that char felt amuro wince and tighten his pitying hold around his shoulders, he seemed to be unsettled. he shouldn’t have mentioned that, yet he found comfort in the fact that amuro didn’t pull away.

"i’m sure she was a lovely woman," amuro mumbled awkwardly. char snorted as he continued to rest on amuro’s shoulder, subtly breathing in his warm, inviting aura. he almost drifted off before he sensed amuro shuffle. he momentarily felt lost when amuro grasped him by the shoulders and pushed him back. if amuro had let go...

"let’s sleep. it’s late." amuro’s grip remained, but char was still unconvinced.

"are you staying?"

"im staying." the knot in chars chest unraveled. amuro guided him to lie down, continuously maintaining contact as he pulled the covers up over them, and rested his chin upon chars head. with slight reluctance, his hands returned to stroke char’s back. safely tucked into amuro’s chest, it took char seconds to fall asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> i cant name things so its titled after placebos song btw ok


End file.
